E-asTTle Practice Writng - Persuasive

Currently, in English, we have been practising our E-asTTle writing skills for our upcoming E-asTTle test. As you can see underneath is paragraph will be multiple writing skills and structures I am trying to perfect and understand.

I am aiming to improve my writing in the following 3 areas: Organisation, Structure & Language and Sentence Structure.

I will do this by:

( Organisation ) - I will do this by practising and developing the skills to link all of my paragraphs together. As in, making each last sentence of my paragraphs link to the first sentence of the second paragraph.

( Structure & Language ) - I will do this by creating and putting in some sentences that include things such as rhetorical questions or a ponderous thought to catch the readers attention.

( Sentence Structure ) - I will do this by adding more of a variety of sentences in order to create an impact. Such as embedded clauses and making sure my writing is free comma splices.

( My draft writing, down below. The highlighted )

“Sportsmen should not get paid to play sports”

I disagree with this opinion, as in my eyes sportsmen should get paid for the sports they play, as
technically that’s their running job. Sportsmen in all different categories of sport should always get
paid for what they do. As it’s their job to perform and encourage people all while putting an enormous
amount of time, money & effort into it. Sportsmen are paid to put on an incredible, fast and often
tough game versing opponents. Which is made to rial the crowd up in hopes, for more outsiders to
get interested and more recognition for the sport itself. 

These people deserve to get payed as their putting their body on the line and their adding a huge
amount of time and money into this sport- as well as having to sell and present the sport to locals,
communities and also highly recommended... schools preferably primary schools. As at that age,
their still properly adjusting to the environment of sport, and are also super active. Meaning getting
them into sport earlier would help with getting more kids interested in sports and also helping them
to adapt to the environment and help with creating and mastering skills. 

Another factor to include is the hate that these sportsmen get. Throughout social media and partly
face to face as well. They get harsh comments on their performances throughout their games, on
basically how well they play. Majority of the time fans will throw hate and shade on players who
haven’t just had a bad game but the whole team if they’ve lost against their opponents. Comments
can sometimes lead back to personal problems and culture. You may often hear a lot of racial slurs
being thrown at players, especially if their foreign to the team and country. 

In conclusion, sportsmen should be getting paid. As they put a huge amount of time, effort and
money into what they do. To sportsmen this is their job, this is their standing career. They have to
present and sell their sports to the audience not just around them but globally too. They put their
bodies on the line in order to get other people’s satisfaction. They get bashed around and
dangerously injured in order to bring success for their team and club. Which is something you
wouldn’t want to involve yourself with, an ordinary job. So not only is it tiring, but it’s dangerous
and hateful.

 But still, these sportsmen continue in what they do because it makes them feel complete and
happy, knowing that they’ve made a career out of what they love. Imagine if you were in such a
position? Playing your heart out, doing something you love all while putting your body on the line
for it, to only end up with nothing in return. How would you feel, knowing someone is just using you
to make money and success off of you, to then only end up with no reward in the end?